This Can't Be Goodbye
by The 1000th Kiss
Summary: Roger and Collins are leaving, Maureen and Joanne hate each other, and Mimi's using again. Angel's family is dying (during RENT, Angel's POV, rated 'cause it's RENT).
1. Chapter 1

**This is the—very short—first chapter of a multi-chapter story that popped into my head today. I hope it's enjoyed by many.**

**I own nothing but the plot line. The Almighty Larson owns the rest.**

I'm standing here in the corner of this cold, dark room. I'm not entirely sure where I am. I only closed my eyes for a second, if that, and now I'm out of my bed. I feel better than I have in a really long time. That doesn't necessarily mean I _am _better. It could always be a momentary burst of energy. I look down at my clothes; I'm wearing a long, white flowing dress. I touch my head and realize my favorite bobbed wig is resting there. I don't remember changing out of my hospital gown, or even getting up. All I remember is closing my eyes and then walking toward a warm light. Now I'm standing in the corner—facing the wall—of a cold, dark room.

I suddenly hear something behind me. It sounds like someone is crying. Slowly, I turn around and the sight before me breaks my heart. I see myself—well, my body—lying limp and lifeless in Collins' arms.

Collins . . . my love.

Tears stream down his cheeks as he sobs and presses loving kisses to my body's forehead. I want nothing more than to cry with him. I cross the room and reach out to him. My hand goes right through his shoulder. I can't touch him. That means I can't let him know that I'm still with him. I can't do anything to comfort the love of my life. I don't understand why I'm seeing this inside my hospital room anyway. Shouldn't I be watching from up above?

The door opens and a nurse walks in. It seems like she wants to cry. Collins looks to her.

"We . . . we did everything we could," she says. Collins nods and looks back at my body before turning his attention to the door. I turn to see what he's looking at. All of our friends come in one by one as Collins stands up and gently places my body's head on the pillow. Mimi is the first to approach him. They stare at each other for a moment before Mimi throws her arms around Collins. He starts crying again and the others all surround him, embracing each other in a group hug.

The nurse slips out of the room while I stare at my friends and lover, longing to be a part of their hug. Someone—I'm not sure who— soon breaks the hug and everyone files out of the room. Collins stops at the door to take one last look at my body.

"Goodbye, my love," he says softly. I rush to him.

"Collins, I'm still here," I say, hoping he can hear me. "I'm still here. Just look at me."

Mimi and Maureen reappear to grab his hands and he lets them lead him out of the room. I rush after them, all the while calling everyone's names. It's then that I see it: Joanne and Roger are walking ahead of Maureen and Mimi. I quickly move to the front of the group to judge their expressions. Even though they're all crying, I can see the bitterness and resentment for each other in the two couples' eyes. They still haven't made up.

Roger glares in my direction and I turn to see Benny holding his arms out. Mimi goes to him, burying herself in his arms. He comforts her as Roger walks faster, leaving the group. I turn back to the others and notice Joanne is glaring at Maureen, who whispers something to Collins before walking away. Joanne gently touches Collins' shoulder and then she, too, walks away. Benny gives Collins a sympathetic look before putting his arm around Mimi's waist and leading her away. What's the matter with everyone? Collins is hurting and they can't put aside their issues with each other long enough to help him. Mark is the only one who stays with Collins while he speaks with a doctor about me.

My family is dying.

**Review please.**


	2. Chapter 2

**I own nothing but the plot line. The Almighty Larson owns the rest.**

After Collins and Mark finish up with the doctor, I follow them out of the hospital. They are walking in silence. Collins has the coat I bought him draped over his arms. I wish he would put it on; I know he must be freezing. Every so often, Mark glances over his shoulder. It sort of seems like he's looking back at me. Is it possible that he can see me? Or at least feel my presence? If I say his name, will he be able to hear me?

The wind blows and Collins shivers.

"Collins, honey, _please _put on your coat," I say. I know he can't see or hear me, but I'm used to telling him to do things like that. Mark glances at me again before looking to Collins.

"Collins, I think you should, uh, put your coat on," he says. Collins looks down at the coat and stops walking. I watch with widened eyes as he slowly pulls the coat on. Had Mark somehow heard what I said? I bring my attention to him. He's staring at me. I take a small step forward while he grasps at the air in front of me. I try to grab his hand, but my hand goes right through his. To my surprise, he quickly pulls his hand to his chest. Did he feel my hand and get scared? I watch him hold his hand out again, and then I let my hand hover over his.

"Mark?" Collins says. Mark and I both turn to him. Even though his eyes are filled with sadness, he has a small smirk on his face as if he's trying to hold in laughter. "The fuck are you doin'?"

"I . . . thought I saw something," Mark replies, putting his hand down to his side. The wind blows again. "Let's hurry back to the loft. It's cold out here."

"Well, it _is _the end of September."

Mark nods and they don't say much of anything else the rest of the way to the loft. They silently decide to walk rather than take the subway. I wonder where everyone else is. They should be with Collins right now, like Mark is. I can't believe how selfish they're being. I would go try to find them, but I feel I need to be as close to Collins as possible. I wish he could hear me. I need him to know how much I love him. I need him to know that I never wanted to leave him the way I did.

At the loft, Collins requests a beer. He and Mark then sit on the couch and drink in silence. I wish I could read Collins' mind. His expression is scaring me. It's a mix between sadness and anger. I wonder if he's angry at the others for leaving him. I know _I _am. I want to ask him about it, but I know I can't. Mark seems to have heard me before; maybe he'll hear me again. I walk behind the couch and stand there.

"Collins, are you okay?" I ask. Mark stiffens and looks to Collins. I think he heard me.

"Collins?" he says. Collins turns to him. "You okay?"

"My mind is still tryin' to . . . process everything," Collins replies. Mark nods and the two of them continue to drink. After a while, the loft door slides open and Roger comes in. No one says anything as he slides the door shut and takes off his jacket. He looks pissed.

"Where have you been?" Mark asks him.

"Out trying to clear my head," Roger answers. He tosses his jacket onto the armchair next to the couch and runs his hands over his face for a moment. "God, can you believe her? How can she go back to that asshole?"

"You _did _break up with her," Mark pointed out. "And you don't even have any proof she's dating Benny."

"Whatever, I'm going to bed."

Roger starts walking to his room as Mark puts his beer on the coffee table and stands up. Collins watches him in wonder. Roger is just about to open his door when Mark speaks.

"_Or_, as an alternate option, you could show some empathy and comfort your friend in his time of need," he says, gesturing to Collins. Roger stops walking and turns to face Mark.

"Mark, it's fine," Collins says somewhat quietly.

"No, it's _not _fine." Mark steps out into the open part of the loft. "Roger, you of all people should know what Collins is going through right now. He just lost the love of his life." Roger looks to Collins, whose eyes are on the beer in his hand. He seems to be trying to avoid making eye contact with both Mark and Roger.

"Collins . . . I'm really sorry about Angel," Roger says. Collins is still looking at his beer. I wait for Roger to say more, but he just turns to his bedroom door and grabs the knob.

"That's all?" Mark asks. "That's really all you have to say? Don't you remember how you felt after you lost April? It was _Collins _who helped you through it more than anyone. And he was _still_ trying to help while he was away at MIT. You've _got _to have something more to say than you're sorry."

"What do you _want _me to say, Mark?!" Roger snaps. I take a step backward and Collins looks up, a worried expression on his face. Mark matches Roger's scowl perfectly.

"I want you to say something comforting," he replies. "Collins is feeling the same pain you felt the night you found April. He—"

"He is _not_!" Roger interrupts. He walks toward Mark, who doesn't back down. "Losing someone you love is hard and I get that he's hurting, but there's no fucking way he's feeling my pain! April committed suicide; Angel died because of health issues. April _chose _to die. She _chose _to leave me, Mark! She could have stayed, but she didn't! We would probably still be together, but she . . . just gave up without a fight. Trust me, Collins isn't feeling that pain. Angel didn't give up; he fought for his life because he wanted to stay with Collins. He just didn't win."

Everything becomes still and silent. Collins is looking to Mark for his reply, as is Roger. I replay Roger's words in my head. He's right; I _did _fight, but I lost the battle long ago. I don't know much about April or what happened with her to side with anyone. Collins once told me that she was a sensitive subject, so I steered clear of bringing her up.

"Maybe she'd still be here if you hadn't dragged her into your band's drug circle," Mark says. Collins' eyes widen and he puts his beer down as he looks to Roger. My love's hands are on the table and he looks like he's about to get up and pounce on something. I look at Roger. His face is slowly turning red. He makes a fist with his right hand.

"FUCK YOU!" he shouts, lunging at Mark and punching him square in the face. Collins gets up as Roger tackles Mark to the ground and wraps his hands around his neck.

"Roger, stop it!" Collins yells.

He tries to pull Roger off of Mark, but fails. He's still for a moment before he kneels down in front of Mark and Roger and throws a punch at Roger, causing him to let go of Mark. Collins pulls Mark to his feet and stands in front of him. Roger then lunges at Collins, who easily stops him from hitting him.

"Calm the fuck down!" Collins demands. Roger continues trying to hit Collins. I wish I could do something to stop this.

"Get off me, Collins!" Roger shouts. Realizing that Roger isn't going to calm himself down, Collins pushes him into a wall and holds him there. I notice Collins isn't using much force, meaning he's going to try something other than yelling to get Roger to calm down.

"Roger, _please _calm down," he says softly. "I don't want to lose anybody else today. Mark didn't mean what he said. Just _please _calm down."

Roger stops struggling against Collins and looks into his sad eyes. Collins slowly releases Roger, who glares at Mark. For a moment, I think he's about to attack Mark again, but he surprises me by going into to his bedroom and slamming the door.

**Review please.**


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